Last night, we watched the movie The Vow for the first time. And I'm not ashamed to say that I am currently re-watching it while Aaron is out with friends :-) There is something about this movie that resonates with me. I don't mind the "chick flick" movies, although my favorites are ones with a little more action. However, that's not the say that I don't appreciate a good movie or book! And add in a few extra points if it is based on a true story.
Beyond all the superficial Hollywood "boy and girl meet, fall in love, get married, disaster happens, they fall apart, they get back together, etc" there is a deeper story here. What would you do if you woke up and didn't remember your life? Your loved ones? Who you are? How would you cope? And what would you do if that was your loved one? Most of us promise in our wedding vows to be with each other in both sickness and in health. But what if that sickness means the person you love doesn't even remember who you are, let alone one moment of your relationship. I can't even fathom the pain involved for such a situation. Knowing that this was based on a real couple's story, it seemed even more realistic than a lot of the other Hollywood movies. Would I pursue Aaron with everything I could if he were to forget me? Would I stay true to my vows that I made? My head and my heart say yes right now, but if I were put in that situation, I can only pray I would act in the same way. And what if I were the one who forgot? Would I honor the vows I made if I couldn't even remember them?
I know that the original couple were disappointed that their strong Christian faith wasn't evident in the movie like it was in their real lives. But I personally think that you can see undercurrents of it throughout the movie. Especially with Leo, the husband. The way he refuses to give up on Paige, even when she can't remember their past relationship and seems unwilling to pursue a new one, speaks of a deeper love. In fact, it reminds me of the deepest love of all. God will pursue us as long and far and wide as we run. He won't ever quit and for that I am eternally grateful. To be so undeserving of a commitment like that and yet receive it is hard for me to get my human mind wrapped around. His is the fiercest love of all and I am the recipient! And it's even better than the commitments Aaron and I made to each other.
"I vow to fiercely love you, in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love."
Those are such true words that each one of us should never forget and strive to live out each and every day that we have been given. I vow to God to never forget His love for me and to follow His example in return. To live and love each day being the best woman I can be. I also vow to Aaron to love him in every way possible, no matter where our life together goes, no matter how difficult the tough times might be.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
July
While July hasn't brought the wonderful summer weather we were hoping for, we stayed very busy anyhow!
We went dip-netting for the first time this year. My co-worker Chad invited us to go with him and his family. I am so grateful for all the help they gave us and all the tips and tricks he taught us. We were able to stay in another co-worker's cabin which was way better than the tent we were planning on. It was an exhausting trip to the mouth of the Kenai and back, but we were so blessed to come home with 34 fish! We thought we had reached our 35 limit but miscounted at some point. I'd rather be one short than one over! If you get caught with extra fish, it is a $100 per fish fine plus they can seize your whole catch. Definitely not something I want to do! I wish I had been able to get pictures of each part of the trip, but it just doesn't work out too well when your hands are covered in fish and you are working so fast you don't even have time to eat. Maybe next year I'll try and do better! :-)
Aaron and Chad in the water.
My first fish!! (It was still moving at this point haha!)
The products of our first dip net trip!
We also were able to finally replace the carpet upstairs in our house. It involved ripping all the old carpet out ourselves, getting the help from various friends to help move furniture around, painting the ceilings, and touch-up all those wall spots you find a year later!
Mattie doesn't appreciate home improvements when it involves moving her bed around.
She is an engineer's dog...
Ike loves when the beds begin to look like this! He does it EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!
We might have a few things put into the den....
My goal this summer was to run in some of the various races around the area. But due to my ongoing health, that just wasn't an option. Instead, we decided to run in the 300 yard Running with the Bears at the annual Bear Paw festival. I figured I could do that far anyhow! We ended up running with our little friends (who looked WAY cooler than we did!!) and that made it quite the memory! Plus, I realized later that it was Aaron's first race. So that was very cool too.
We went dip-netting for the first time this year. My co-worker Chad invited us to go with him and his family. I am so grateful for all the help they gave us and all the tips and tricks he taught us. We were able to stay in another co-worker's cabin which was way better than the tent we were planning on. It was an exhausting trip to the mouth of the Kenai and back, but we were so blessed to come home with 34 fish! We thought we had reached our 35 limit but miscounted at some point. I'd rather be one short than one over! If you get caught with extra fish, it is a $100 per fish fine plus they can seize your whole catch. Definitely not something I want to do! I wish I had been able to get pictures of each part of the trip, but it just doesn't work out too well when your hands are covered in fish and you are working so fast you don't even have time to eat. Maybe next year I'll try and do better! :-)
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| The beautiful hand-built cabin we stayed in. |
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| The wonderful view....at 4 A.M. |
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| Chad getting ready to get in the water. |
Aaron and Chad in the water.
My first fish!! (It was still moving at this point haha!)
The products of our first dip net trip!
We also were able to finally replace the carpet upstairs in our house. It involved ripping all the old carpet out ourselves, getting the help from various friends to help move furniture around, painting the ceilings, and touch-up all those wall spots you find a year later!
Mattie doesn't appreciate home improvements when it involves moving her bed around.
She is an engineer's dog...
Ike loves when the beds begin to look like this! He does it EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!
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My goal this summer was to run in some of the various races around the area. But due to my ongoing health, that just wasn't an option. Instead, we decided to run in the 300 yard Running with the Bears at the annual Bear Paw festival. I figured I could do that far anyhow! We ended up running with our little friends (who looked WAY cooler than we did!!) and that made it quite the memory! Plus, I realized later that it was Aaron's first race. So that was very cool too.
Miss Lily and her parents came over for dinner and Cole's birthday cake. Plus, it was the perfect opportunity for Lily to go swimming for the first time!! (In Alaska, that means the hot tub, even in summer!) She was so funny and absolutely loved being in the warm water.
June
June 19 marked our second wedding anniversary. In some ways I can't believe how the time has passed by and where we were just a few days ago.
June 2008 Aaron graduated from OIT with his Engineering degree and then moved to Alaska.
June 2009 I graduated from OIT with my Nuclear Medicine degree and moved to Alaska that fall.
June 2010 We got married!!! So many details went into planning and orchestrating that day but it went so well and we have so many beautiful memories.
June 2011 We celebrated our first wedding anniversary and that same weekend adopted Mattie.
June 2012 We both have great jobs, have been married two years, are homeowners, and round out our family with a loving dog and crazy cat.
Unfortunately, at the end of June, we also received the unpleasant diagnosis about my health (which is a whole post on it's own). But we are learning to rely on each other more than before and trust that God has a perfect plan in place for our future, even though it is scary and depressing right now.
June 2008 Aaron graduated from OIT with his Engineering degree and then moved to Alaska.
June 2009 I graduated from OIT with my Nuclear Medicine degree and moved to Alaska that fall.
June 2010 We got married!!! So many details went into planning and orchestrating that day but it went so well and we have so many beautiful memories.
June 2011 We celebrated our first wedding anniversary and that same weekend adopted Mattie.
June 2012 We both have great jobs, have been married two years, are homeowners, and round out our family with a loving dog and crazy cat.
Unfortunately, at the end of June, we also received the unpleasant diagnosis about my health (which is a whole post on it's own). But we are learning to rely on each other more than before and trust that God has a perfect plan in place for our future, even though it is scary and depressing right now.
Quick Recap
Evidently it's been awhile since I last posted on this blog. Since early May according to the last date stamp in fact. I'd like to say that we have just been busy enjoying the summer, working on the house, and being outdoors as much as possible. While we have done some of that, there has been a lot of other things going on too. I've been sick. And hurting. And that doesn't make for the best blog posts. But I decided I might as well do a bit of updating and see where it takes me!
The week before Memorial Day was a tough one. My aunt and uncle had to put their old dog Max after several months of his failing health. Furball the cat and I lived with Donna, Dennis, and Max for almost a year while I was on my externship and before I moved to Alaska. Those two had a hate-love-hate relationship. But the last few months, they played chase up and down the stairs almost every night. It was far better than any TV program.
In the middle of the week, my grandma died. She had Alzheimer's disease and hadn't known me for a year or more. I know it was mostly because I saw her so infrequently but it was still tough to see her that way. The last few months she hadn't known most of the family and only her kids off and on. The day before she died though, she was blessed with clarity and even recognized my younger sister (unfortunately Meg was one of the first people Grandma didn't recognize). I am so thankful we were home in March to celebrate her 81st birthday. She was having a good day then and we were able to get the last pictures Aaron and I had with her.
Saturday morning, I had a text from my mom saying the family dog died in the middle of the night. Hannah was our rescue girl. She was a mixture of all sorts of breeds and was a tough girl through and through. She had been failing in health the last three months and my mom was agonizing what to do about her. We are so glad that her worst days were very few in numbers and overall she was healthy until the very end. Other than mild arthritis, she had been a very healthy dog. (I'll have to add pictures once I get off the couch and connect the hard drive haha).
Maggie, the other family dog, seemed to get pretty depressed after Hannah's death but after a few weeks seems to be doing well once again (plus a few pounds from the spoiling mom did!!!). I was able to fly home for Grandma's funeral, which I am so grateful for. I was able to see family and especially my dad. It was a quick trip, but completely worth it.
We might be a bit odd at times....but it was so wonderful to have a fun dinner with my mom, sister, and cousin Amanda. I'm not sure who thought of the straws first, but I'm sure it wasn't me!
I love them so very much!! And thanks to our waiter who put up with our goofiness!
The week before Memorial Day was a tough one. My aunt and uncle had to put their old dog Max after several months of his failing health. Furball the cat and I lived with Donna, Dennis, and Max for almost a year while I was on my externship and before I moved to Alaska. Those two had a hate-love-hate relationship. But the last few months, they played chase up and down the stairs almost every night. It was far better than any TV program.
In the middle of the week, my grandma died. She had Alzheimer's disease and hadn't known me for a year or more. I know it was mostly because I saw her so infrequently but it was still tough to see her that way. The last few months she hadn't known most of the family and only her kids off and on. The day before she died though, she was blessed with clarity and even recognized my younger sister (unfortunately Meg was one of the first people Grandma didn't recognize). I am so thankful we were home in March to celebrate her 81st birthday. She was having a good day then and we were able to get the last pictures Aaron and I had with her.
Saturday morning, I had a text from my mom saying the family dog died in the middle of the night. Hannah was our rescue girl. She was a mixture of all sorts of breeds and was a tough girl through and through. She had been failing in health the last three months and my mom was agonizing what to do about her. We are so glad that her worst days were very few in numbers and overall she was healthy until the very end. Other than mild arthritis, she had been a very healthy dog. (I'll have to add pictures once I get off the couch and connect the hard drive haha).
Maggie, the other family dog, seemed to get pretty depressed after Hannah's death but after a few weeks seems to be doing well once again (plus a few pounds from the spoiling mom did!!!). I was able to fly home for Grandma's funeral, which I am so grateful for. I was able to see family and especially my dad. It was a quick trip, but completely worth it.
The tradition of surprising my sister in a group photo is several years old now. You would think she would remember it's coming at some point!!
I love them so very much!! And thanks to our waiter who put up with our goofiness!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
3 things
1. The sun is shining and our house is 99% snow free! I love the snow in the winter....not so much after 9 months worth.
2. My little garden is growing like crazy!!! Although it lives in my dining room currently, there is hope for this summer!
3. How cute are these little guys??? Our good friends Krista and Brandon had twins a few months ago.When we got to see them for the first time in March, I brought these hats my friend Alexis had made. We can't wait to see them again! They have already changed so much in such a short time.
2. My little garden is growing like crazy!!! Although it lives in my dining room currently, there is hope for this summer!
3. How cute are these little guys??? Our good friends Krista and Brandon had twins a few months ago.When we got to see them for the first time in March, I brought these hats my friend Alexis had made. We can't wait to see them again! They have already changed so much in such a short time.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Crummy Week
Last week was a really crummy week. Pretty much all the way around.
Dad made it through surgery okay. They ended up amputating from below the knee, down. Evidently he has a few inches of bone right below the knee cap, and then nada. The picture is rather odd looking. And I'm sure it's even harder to see in person. His pain levels are quite high. They are weaning him off the IV pain meds so he can leave the hospital and go to the nursing home/rehab facility. But it's not going so great as of yet. My mom said this morning he can barely move around in the bed. So we'll see what happens when. While the surgery itself may have gone well, life after certainly isn't. Although I can't even imagine that pain. It's no wonder he has no patience, tolerance, or general tolerable moods at the moment.
One of my very close co-workers and friends finished working with us on Friday as well. She and her husband have taken jobs in Maui. While this is an exciting change for her, it's a tough change for me. My whole work flow has changed (not always bad but something I just would rather not do right now). And I've said goodbye to a good friend. Something I've never enjoyed. Once I make a friend, it's so very hard to leave.
Overall, I've been feeling quite emotional and down the last few days. It's my own pity party that I'm trying to walk away from. So far today, I think I've done okay. But yesterday was rough. At church, a friend's dad waved to us and I lost it. Tears rolling down my cheeks, all I could think about was how much I wish my dad was like that. That he was (semi) healthy and able to do normal things. But even more so, that I was home to see him with my own eyes.
Well, now that I've gotten all that out, here's to a better week. To staying positive, looking for the small improvements with dad and enjoying what I do have, and realizing that I'll make another friend down the road. It might not be the same, but it will be okay.
Dad made it through surgery okay. They ended up amputating from below the knee, down. Evidently he has a few inches of bone right below the knee cap, and then nada. The picture is rather odd looking. And I'm sure it's even harder to see in person. His pain levels are quite high. They are weaning him off the IV pain meds so he can leave the hospital and go to the nursing home/rehab facility. But it's not going so great as of yet. My mom said this morning he can barely move around in the bed. So we'll see what happens when. While the surgery itself may have gone well, life after certainly isn't. Although I can't even imagine that pain. It's no wonder he has no patience, tolerance, or general tolerable moods at the moment.
One of my very close co-workers and friends finished working with us on Friday as well. She and her husband have taken jobs in Maui. While this is an exciting change for her, it's a tough change for me. My whole work flow has changed (not always bad but something I just would rather not do right now). And I've said goodbye to a good friend. Something I've never enjoyed. Once I make a friend, it's so very hard to leave.
Overall, I've been feeling quite emotional and down the last few days. It's my own pity party that I'm trying to walk away from. So far today, I think I've done okay. But yesterday was rough. At church, a friend's dad waved to us and I lost it. Tears rolling down my cheeks, all I could think about was how much I wish my dad was like that. That he was (semi) healthy and able to do normal things. But even more so, that I was home to see him with my own eyes.
Well, now that I've gotten all that out, here's to a better week. To staying positive, looking for the small improvements with dad and enjoying what I do have, and realizing that I'll make another friend down the road. It might not be the same, but it will be okay.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Life Decisions
According to the date stamp of my last post, it's been quite awhile since I've written anything here. But that's just the way life goes sometimes. Tonight, I write for myself. To get my thoughts on paper and see if anything makes more sense than it does in my head. So many days have been up and down the last few months. And unfortunately the trend is going down once again. I try very hard to focus on the positive as I am naturally prone to look at the negative. The downhills always seems larger than the uphills, the bad bigger than the good. I have had more success in recent years leaning on the positive side, but it's not a natural thing for me at this point in my life. It takes work.
Life takes work. Too much it seems sometimes. And I know I'm not supposed to understand all the why's in life, but I sure would appreciate having a few more answers than I currently have. My dad goes into surgery tomorrow morning. Again. It was supposed to happen today, but the surgeons hadn't decided what route to go, so they delayed it. He's going to have his left calf and foot amputated below the knee. While this isn't a new idea, it's certainly been decided quickly. If they just clean out the wound, it will only delay this surgery a few months at most, at which point we'll have to decide again which is the best option. Unfortunately with the infection he can't kick, everyone is being forced into a quick decision. And that's hard to deal with.
There is a very real possibility he won't survive the recovery, assuming he makes it through surgery itself. His body has taken such a beating the last few years. And mentally, I don't see how he could be prepared. He wants to be done, and yet that human thread wants to keep breathing and living. How can you maintain your will to survive when your body is a shell of what it once was; when it has all but given up? And now you are faced with losing a physical part of you that you were born with and know intimately?
I can't make sense of it. These decisions that impact your immediate health and future are not black in white. There are so many middle things to consider. And while my head is well aware of quality verses quantity of life, it doesn't mean my heart has followed suit. I would give just about anything so that my dad doesn't live with this pain, depression, and lack of enjoyable life. And if that means God calls him home, that's okay. I know he will be surrounded by so many people he loves and we will see him again. But he's my dad. And this daughter doesn't want that to happen. I want him here for me, for my sister, my mom, my husband, my future babies and everything this life has to offer.But I want him whole and healthy.
But I won't get that option. All I can do now is talk to him one last time and pray I get another chance, however selfish that might be. For the thousandth time I wish we lived closer, that I could be there with my family, giving them the shoulder to cry on that I need in return. The miles seem so long tonight.
Life takes work. Too much it seems sometimes. And I know I'm not supposed to understand all the why's in life, but I sure would appreciate having a few more answers than I currently have. My dad goes into surgery tomorrow morning. Again. It was supposed to happen today, but the surgeons hadn't decided what route to go, so they delayed it. He's going to have his left calf and foot amputated below the knee. While this isn't a new idea, it's certainly been decided quickly. If they just clean out the wound, it will only delay this surgery a few months at most, at which point we'll have to decide again which is the best option. Unfortunately with the infection he can't kick, everyone is being forced into a quick decision. And that's hard to deal with.
There is a very real possibility he won't survive the recovery, assuming he makes it through surgery itself. His body has taken such a beating the last few years. And mentally, I don't see how he could be prepared. He wants to be done, and yet that human thread wants to keep breathing and living. How can you maintain your will to survive when your body is a shell of what it once was; when it has all but given up? And now you are faced with losing a physical part of you that you were born with and know intimately?
I can't make sense of it. These decisions that impact your immediate health and future are not black in white. There are so many middle things to consider. And while my head is well aware of quality verses quantity of life, it doesn't mean my heart has followed suit. I would give just about anything so that my dad doesn't live with this pain, depression, and lack of enjoyable life. And if that means God calls him home, that's okay. I know he will be surrounded by so many people he loves and we will see him again. But he's my dad. And this daughter doesn't want that to happen. I want him here for me, for my sister, my mom, my husband, my future babies and everything this life has to offer.But I want him whole and healthy.
But I won't get that option. All I can do now is talk to him one last time and pray I get another chance, however selfish that might be. For the thousandth time I wish we lived closer, that I could be there with my family, giving them the shoulder to cry on that I need in return. The miles seem so long tonight.
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